Stealthfest 5 : The most expensive breakfast on site.
And posh cocktails. And ice cream. All on the same plate.
Welcome to the 5th excerpt from my film script which is set at a UK music festival. Previous excerpts can be found here , here, here and here. More details on the Stealthfest universe can be found here.
Content warning - there is quite a lot of swearing in this piece.
*It is morning. Normal punters walk around on their way to breakfast, showers, etc .
Krispy and Joe are at a crossroads point in the festival, looking shifty and hungover.*
KRISPY : Right, you know what you're doing don't you? It's that one over there
*Krispy points to a shipping container the other side of a gate guarded by security*
KRISPY: All you have to do is go in there, ask for Freako Soundsystem's food and drinks tickets, and then leave once you've got em. They don't know we're not playing yet, right?
JOE :Yeah, right. Nice and easy.
*Joe looks unsure and slightly rattled, but takes a deep breath and shows his wristband to the security who let him through the gate. He arrives at the door of the shipping container to find a conversation in progress.*
JOANIE : It's just his caravan is here, I went knocking on the door last night and didn't get an answer. I went again first thing this morning. Do you think he's alright?
*Joanie looks into Dannis eyes, Danni looks uncomfortable.*
JOANIE : I know he's a bit dodgy, but he's always here, every year, you know I've been coming since I was a kid. And it's weird that he hasn't shown his face yet . I just feel like something's happened to him Danni.
*Another uncomfortable pause. Danni looks back at Joe waiting at the door, and then looks back at Joanie*
DANNI (in a hushed tone) : Look maybe something has happened to him, but I'm not telling you anything until you've dealt with that guy behind me, then we'll close the door and talk, but this has to be kept private, for everyone's good, ok?
JOANIE - What do you mean "Maybe somethings happened to him?"
*Danni has a pained expression on her face, looks as if she is about to say something, then steps to one side, looks at Joe and then looks back at Joanie. There is another awkward pause, and Joe steps in to fill the void.*
JOE (nervously) : Hiya, you alright? I've just come for the food and drink tokens for Freako Soundsystem.
JOANIE (absent mindedly) : Oh, you're a performer, are you? Did you play last night?
JOE (more nervously) : Err, no. We just got here early, came for the friday night to see more of the festival. We're playing tonight. They said we could have our tokens today.
*Danni eyes Joe suspiciously . Joe points at a festival programme on the table between him and Joanie.*
JOE : See, there we are.
JOANIE (feigning confidence) - Oh Ok, I see. So, food and drinks tokens you wanted was it? Now they're down here somewhere.
*Joanie rummages below the desk and pulls out a pile of sealed white envelopes with names written on them.*
JOANIE - Now those aren't them, are they? That's the pay for the bands! Wait a sec, here they are.
*Joanie pulls out 2 bags of tokens.*
JOANIE - Now which was your band again? Freako soundsystem? It's all written down in here, you're going to have to sign something for me.
*Joanie thumbs through a big folder whilst Danni continues to eye Joe suspiciously. *
JOANIE : Here it is, 12 of these ones, and 24 of these ones.
*Joanie hands Joe a big pile of tokens which Joe pockets.*
JOANIE : Can you just sign there for me please? And oh look, there's your pay packet on the top of the pile, you might as well have that whilst you're here. And could you sign there too for me please? Cheers.
* Joe signs the receipts, and then shakily pockets the cash*
JOE: Well, cheers for that. I need to be getting on now. See you later .
*Joe leaves.*
DANNI : I don't think you're supposed to do that Joanie. I'm sure you're supposed to pay the bands after they've played, not before.
JOANIE : Oh leave me alone, he was a musician, he's going to play his set isn't he? I'm supposed to have someone else down here helping me. And anyway, I couldn't concentrate after what you said about Fred.
*She stomps to the door and closes it*
JOANIE : Now tell me what happened to him!
*Cut to Joe walking quickly towards Krispy outside of the gate.*
KRISPY : All good?
JOE : Sorted, let's roll .
* The pair briskly walk for a few moments until they are by some benches, near some food vans. There are a few people about. They sit down side by side and speak in hushed tones.*
JOE : So, I have 12 meal tickets, and 24 drinks tickets. But there's more.
KRISPY : There's more? What more could they give you? They weren't stupid enough to pay us before we've even played were they?
JOE : Kripsy, Krispy, my very own Krispy, they were indeed that stupid. However, there's something weird about it. How much do we usually get paid for a set like this?
KRISPY (confused): £900 for a festival set, standard fee.
JOE : Right, that's what I thought. Except it says 1800 on the envelope.
KRISPY : What the fuck? Show me the envelope.
*Joe shows Kripsy the corner of the envelope. it has 1800 written on it*
KRISPY : Let me look in the envelope.
*Krispy has a quick look in the envelope.*
KRISPY : Fuck, those bastards. I bet they've been doing this all summer, I bet they've been doing it every fucking gig. Ripping their own band off. Freako soundsystem? Rip off Soundsystem more like. Exploit the workers soundsystem more like. Lie your arse off soundsystem more like. *whiny voice* "Ohh we can only pay you 60£ a gig" Fuck off! Bollocks!
JOE : Yeah, it's bad. They're bad. You knew that anyway, you'd already said you don't want to do any more gigs with em. This just proves your point. But what do we do with all that money?
KRISPY : I'll tell you what we should do. We should fucking spend it. It's our right, our duty to spend it. We could order a taxi and go straight to a posh hotel, abandon our tents and our bullshit possessions and dive into a weekend of luxury.
JOE : But what if we get caught?
KRISPY : Caught by who? The festival won't even notice the money is missing until monday morning, and even then they might not do anything about it, they might not even miss it, you know what these places are like and the amount cash they have flying round. And if it does have any repercussions, it'll be the Freako soundsystem that gets the blame, not us. Fuck it this is our dream ticket Joe, don't be a wet leg about it!
JOE : Ok but what do we tell Sam and Dave?
KRISPY : I dunno, we give them half or something. Don't worry about it, I'll think of a way to sell it to them . Right after we've eaten the most expensive breakfast on site. And had some posh cocktails. And ice cream. All on the same plate. And cake, I want some of that fancy cake those middle aged women in pearls were selling.
JOE (grinning) : I thought you might say something like that. I mean fuck it, I was hardly going to give the money back once they'd given it to me was I ? Fuck, I'm more hungry than ever now. Let's go!
Thankyou for reading to the end of this piece.
Please consider liking | sharing | subscribing | commenting | sharing this piece on social media.
It all helps these words reach a wider audience.