How to talk to bands
We love it when you talk to us, but here's a few tips that may help
The band sit quietly in the corner of the venue in that irritating no mans land between soundcheck and the gig starting. It had been a difficult decision to to go on tour after his death, and some of the band were feeling like it might have been the wrong one. However, gigs were booked, there were bills to be paid, and would he really have wanted them all to stay at home mourning instead of going out on the road, doing what they do best?
The mood is understandably sombre, the band not saying much, picking at the crisps, pop and half pints that lay on the table in front of them. The venue is pretty much empty but a few punters have snuck in and one of them is coming this way. Oh god, he’s going to say something .
“Are you the one whose boyfriends just died?” he asks with little introduction or fanfare. “Are you sad about it?”
The above story is a true one that happened to a very good friend of mine. I tell it to open up the discussion about what it’s like socially to be one of the musicians whose managed to make it to the first level of success. You might not be a stadium filler or a best seller, but the fact that you’ve (for example) done a tour in a foreign country, played a headline slot at a festival or been played by the BBC puts you in a category above the millions of bedroom musicians out there.
It’s a strange position to be in. I always like to say I’m famous to about 5000 people, which seems to offend some. But what I mean is there’s at least 5000 people in the world that not only know my work but would talk about me as if I am a significant artist in my field. It sounds like a brag, but 5000 is only a tiny portion of the people in the world, and I have been doing this a very long time.
I’m not here to complain about the social weirdness that comes with all this. After all, I could give it all up tomorrow if I chose to. However, to those not used to moving in this world, here are some tips for dealing with us die hard road dogs and our strange egos.
WE DON’T NEED OUR ARSES KISSING
She looked like central casting’s perfect version of an American cheer leader and she greeted me with the phrase “Thank you for blessing us with your music” after a show we’d played in Prague. I didn’t really know how to respond but I did quote that line a lot in the coming months. She seemed sweet but that line was probably taking it a little too far for a punk like me. As a rule, most people like compliments but there’s levels to these things. The best way to compliment any artist is to get specific, as in “ I really like the way you played guitar on X” or “ I loved the lyrics on the new one”. This is probably a good rule for compliments in general but it works particularly well with musicians. If you’re any good loads of people will say nice things about your work but very few will mention the details. Also, the absolute genius level musicians I have worked with often struggle with compliments because they are so close to their own work, they only see the flaws in it whereas fans tend to only see the good. If you meet a musician that seems to need a little too much praise, you’re probably best off admiring them from afar.
WE NEED COLD HARD CASH
And plenty of it.
An unfortunate truth of this situation is any of us in it could use some more money. The most common place you’ll meet such a musician is at a gig. Live performance is undoubtedly one of the most fun parts of being a musician, the difficult parts are the behind the scenes activities that no one ever sees. The rehearsing, the travelling, the endless negotiating, the buying of guitar strings / drum sticks /instrument cables. It’s during the behind the scenes stuff that the expenses can mount up, even if the gig is well paid. Buying that extra bit of merch makes it that little bit more likely that the band will still be touring this time next year, and eases the discomfort of all the backstage shilly shallying.
I DON’T NEED TAKING DOWN A PEG OR TWO
I’m talking for myself here but I’m sure there will be others in a similar situation who can relate.
Picture the scene. You, the singer and guitarist of your band have organised this gig. This process started months ago with confirming a date with both your fellow musicians and the venue. You’ve promoted the event with social media posts, flyer art and more besides. It’s got to the day of the gig, you’ve loaded in, liased with the venue, the sound engineer, the support band , the dj and the door staff. Despite your fears and a few minor issues, the night has actually gone well. Everyone is ina good mood, the cash has been distributed and the venue is still busy with happy people dancing to the dj you booked.
It’s at this point, just as you’re taking a moment to quietly relax and enjoy the vibe you’ve created, some vaguely familiar face looms out of the crowd to tell you that actually, you’ve done a shit job, that there was something you forgot to do or could of done better, and that actually, you shouldn’t be allowed to stand there for 5 minutes and feel quietly pleased with yourself.
Gentle reader, I have been through the above situation more times than I can count. It doesn’t happen every gig but the times it does are incredibly easy to remember. It’s happened so many times that nowadays, when it does the most you’ll get out of me is a disgusted look and then I’ll quickly disappear to talk to someone who likes me instead.
I don’t see myself or what I do as above criticism either, it’s just have the respect to use the correct channels and pick a proper moment. Also, your chances of success with me if you try such a sneak attack are incredibly small, even if you do draw me into an argument. I am a man who reached age 30 and threw his entire life into a band called Johnny Kowalski and the Sexy Weirdos. There’s a good chance my ego is beyond redemption. If random words of disapproval were going to make any difference, they’d have done so a long time ago.
But let’s end this on a positive note. Big love to all the people who know how to support artists in a positive manner. You are legion and I look forward to seeing you all again soon.
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